SQUARE ONE

21 years old and fresh out of university with a bachelor’s degree in hand. So why do I feel like I’m back at square one? This was my greatest fear. Yes, I feared the dark and am deathly afraid of rats but failure? I could never look that bitch in the eye.

No matter how many times someone tells me that it’s normal to not have my life together at this point in time or that no one in their 20’s really know what they’re doing, somehow, I just can’t seem to soak up the thought.

I’m a brown girl from South Auckland, who grew up living below the poverty line and had dreams that were beyond the borders I was living in. Dreams across the ocean. So you can only imagine how disheartened and depressed I feel.

Here I am… still at the same part-time job since I was 16 except now I’ve picked up an extra 32 hours a week.

I had my life planned out in front of me; get a full-time job from the intern that I was going to get, work my way up the corporate ladder and achieve 6 figures. Just the typical life goals. This was my idea of what I thought ‘success’ was or what it shoud look like.

I had this idea instilled in my head of a process that I needed to follow to taste success. I became so fixated on trying to do the right things in the right order. You know - get an education, a good job and married etc.

But no one really told me that it was okay if I did things backwards or even completely different.

I stopped worrying about what made me happy and thought too much about what would make other people happy. We work so hard for others but aren’t willing to do the same for ourselves. This is a common mistake we all often make without realising it too.

Honestly, even though I’ve got this degree… I don’t even know if it’s something I truly want to pursue.

What I do know is that a little bit of faith in yourself really does go a long way. Whether you’re 30 and still seeking your purpose in life or 17 discovering what you want to do in the future - it’s NEVER too late.

It will never be too late to figure your life out and this is something I need to remind myself daily.

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